I Want To Hold You Like You're Mine
by ToxThexMoonxAndxBack
Summary: Admitting something is wrong is often the hardest part. Closely followed by admitting you need help. For a brief moment, she see's something in him which awakens memories she'd longed to forget. She see's a sadness that she wouldn't wish on anyone. Certainly not him. But is she strong enough to help? (Kate/Jake request - Based on the song 'Agnes' by Glass Animals)
1. Chapter 1

AN: It's been a while but I got a request to write something for Kate/Jake inspired by the Glass Animals song 'Agnes' and as my A Levels are over I thought I would write this. Hopefully I'll continue writing and not abandon it...like I have done with everything else. Not overly sure where I'm going with this and of course it's pretty AU, but hey the show has been rested for 4 years and I've written so much for these characters, I like seeing what I end up coming up with and 'Agnes' is such a good song, I'm so glad I got sent this request. Hope you enjoy x

XxX

 _'You see the sad in everything - a genius of love and loneliness...'_

She could have ignored it, potentially. He was a private person and the last thing she wanted to do was upset him. But she started to notice things, little things. Things that no one else did. She saw something in him, a sadness that she'd seen before. She could have ignored it. He was fine, he seemed fine. But she knew that just because someone seemed fine, it didn't mean they were. And she knew from personal experience that admitting something is wrong is the hardest part. Followed by admitting that you need help. But maybe she was just reading too far into things. Maybe he was just having a bad day? Only the bad day appeared to be lasting a week. More than a week. Two weeks. A month. Time was passing and there was something about her already stoic colleague that unsettled her. Worried her.

So she asked him one day, when his mind seemed to be somewhere else. _"Are you okay?"_ The words had left her mouth before she had even really thought about them. It had been a reflex. So seemingly sudden and out of the blue that her words sounded foreign to her.

He looked at her, those brown eyes of his meeting her gaze. She would have once described his eyes as being full of fight, that which he used in court. Full of life, which she saw as he became fixated on something, a topic or conversation which he could talk about with such passion it always amazed her. Only now those eyes appeared empty. The fire had gone out. And the fight had seemed to be over. Like he'd 'thrown in the towel', as her father would say. For a brief moment, he looked as though he was going to tell her something, reveal something he had never had the confidence or strength to say before. But he didn't. He stopped himself and replied simply, _"I'm just tired."_

And with just three words her image of him shattered. The ever indestructible person she had gotten to know in the time they'd been working together. This image of someone who could deal with anything, put up with anything or anyone. Someone who never let anything hurt him. Who could take on the world blindfolded. That image shattered and for just a fleeting moment, he allowed her to see the real him, whether he realised it was what he had done or not. And she realised just how foolish she had been. No one was indestructible. Everyone had their limits. Everyone breaks. And his words had shaken something inside her. Woken memories she'd blocked out for so long. Memories of when she herself had used _'I'm just tired'_ as an excuse. And it scared her, because she remembered how she had been then, and she wouldn't wish it on anyone. Especially not him.

Her colleague. Her partner. Her friend. A _close_ friend. It was difficult not to become close to someone when you spend every day together. Suddenly she saw him for what he really was, because in his excuse, he'd exposed himself. Because he was the person she spent every day with. He was the person who would make her laugh, with his sarcasm and his unflattering comments about their boss. He was the person who she could rely on to have her back, even when he was deliberately trying to annoy her for his own amusement. They'd found it so difficult to work together in the beginning and they'd stupidly believed it was because they were too different. No. They were too similar. They were stubborn and cynical and just so determined to do a good job. She didn't know when they'd fallen into a comfortable partnership with each other. Somewhere along the line. But she couldn't look at him as her colleague now. Only as the man she did genuinely care for.

Because now she saw there was an old sadness to him, one that had been present from the beginning, long before they had met. And she could tell there were demons he had been battling for so long that he didn't know any other kind of life. But why now? Why was she seeing this now? Had something happened? She wracked her brain for something, anything that could have hurt him, pushed him too far. Something that could have broken him.

Because if she was to describe this Jacob Thorne. The one who she had seen entirely, even if just for a second. There was no sarcasm. No clever comments. No harmless flirting. There wasn't much of anything. He was distant. That was how she would describe it. And that wasn't like him. He often gave the impression that he was irrationally irritated by a lot of people but he was never distant. He made a point of being present, making his voice heard. But now?

She didn't know what to do. Did she speak to him? Would he just shut her out? And then shut down completely?

"You're taking this trial by the way." He said, as some kind of passing comment as he crossed the office from his desk, handing over the file without any hesitation.

She looked at him confused. It had always been _'do you want to take this?'_ or _'I think it would be good if you took this one...'_. Yes, he was her superior and she wasn't new at this. But there was something wrong, she knew it. As she had opened her mouth to question his decision she'd seen the look in his eyes. Pleading. He wasn't just suggesting her to lead their next trial. He _needed_ her to lead the trial, because he couldn't.

And that had been the final straw. That's how she found herself here. Outside his house. Uninvited and probably unwanted. But what else could she do? She cared about him and she just wanted to help. She remembered the feeling. Of being extremely not okay and wishing someone would ask how you were, but also wishing no would say anything because you didn't have the strength or heart to explain.

She knocked. And waited.


	2. Chapter 2

_'Calm down now, stop and breathe a second. Go back to the very beginning'_

"I understand if you don't want to tell me..." She said and Jake finally lifted his eyes from the ground to meet hers. They'd been so silent for so long, she had to say something.

He hadn't been expecting her. He hadn't been expecting anyone. He had contently fallen into his usual routine, which recently consisted of his mind drifting as the room went dark around him. Her knocking at the door had brought him out of that. Brought his thoughts out of whatever dark depth they had found themselves in this time.

And suddenly, he was acting normal again. As normal as he could. It was a reflex. A mask. There was a dark cloud looming over him it seemed, a sombre haze that didn't seem to be going anywhere. Even as he tried to hide it, it controlled him. Isolated him. Crippled him, in so many ways.

She saw straight through it. She tried to make conversation at first but there was an elephant in the room, he knew there was something she really wanted to say. She just seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Or she was struggling to find the confidence to say whatever it was.

Then finally, she had asked him. _'Are you okay?'_

In panic, he'd become defensive. He was fine. There was nothing wrong. He didn't know what she was talking about. Everything was fine. But...Kate knew him better than most and she could see through his lies in a second. He knew it. But still, he denied it. Tried to dismiss her concerns. Tell her that she was worrying about nothing. But she wouldn't give in.

That's how the argument had started. Empty words about prying into business that was none of her concern, about how she was making something out of nothing. At first, she argued back. Her natural reflex to stand up for herself. But then she stopped. She let him rant. Shout at her. She let him get angry and frustrated because all it did was prove her point more. The usually calm, collected person she knew was not the person arguing _at_ her now. She knew that and deep down, so did he. So the arguing stopped.

That was how they ended up like this. Sat opposite each other on the floor. She watched him. And he watched her. Observing each other. They had become so attuned to each other's movements and senses at work, but here, this was different. Because suddenly there were no defences to hide behind. For the first time, it was truly just the two of them, no distractions. No quick escapes. Something was changing and neither was quite sure what it was. This wasn't a situation they usually found themselves in. But here they were.

He avoided meeting her gaze for as long as he could. Scared about what he would see if he did. He didn't like the vulnerability he was so obviously displaying. This wasn't him. Not at all. He wasn't like this. But now, he was. And he hated it. All of it.

"I understand if you're not ready to tell me... " She went on and he noticed the slight tremble in her hands. This was difficult for her. It was hurting her. So why was she doing it? Why was she putting herself through something that was clearly distressing, for him? "Just...don't lie to me. Don't say...that you're fine if you're not..."

"I..."

"I don't know what's happened. I don't. I can't pretend to understand whatever it is that's going on in your mind because I don't know what it is..." She bit her lip, knowing she was revealing more about herself. "But I know what it feels like to be drowning...I know how paralysing it can be..."

"Kate..." He didn't know what he was going to say. He just felt the need to say something.

"I just wanted you to know that...I care about you. Because you're...my friend. And I'm worried about you. This...isn't you...and if you ever did want to talk to someone, I'm here..."

He watched the way she pulled her sleeves nervously over her hands, she was trying so hard. She had always been a genuine-seeming person. She didn't try to hide too much of herself away. Or at least, that's how she had seemed. She wasn't afraid to get angry or upset. She wasn't slow to express her opinions or fight her own battles. That's what he liked about her. But he could tell, by the way her voice seemed to shake as she spoke, there was a lot more to Kate Barker than he thought.

"I'm not very good at talking about things..."

"No..." She nodded. "Neither am I..."

A silence fell between them. Neither knew where this was going. It was as though all their cards had been laid out on the table and neither knew their next move. Because suddenly it wasn't just about him anymore. In trying to reach him, she'd let her own guard down and he'd seen that there was a sadness to her past just the same. A trauma maybe. Something that had happened that made her want to run from her own memories but meant she couldn't leave him when he was like this. Almost as though she was sacrificing her own peace of mind for him. No one had ever done anything like that for him before. No one had ever got close enough. He hadn't let them. But she was different.

"Everyone has a story, something they don't tell anyone. Some horror lurking in their past..." She looked down. "And...no matter how fast we run from them, they always catch up with us in the end..."

"You think?"

"Yeah..." She nodded.

"Are you running from something?"

"I've been hiding...hiding from things I didn't want to think about. And I've been running from the reality of it all for so long...because stopping means accepting and accepting means accepting the pain that comes with it. And that is hard..." She paused. "I could tell you the story of a lost little girl. Someone with a heavy burden on such young shoulders. Who watched her family crumble and fall apart. Who promised herself it wouldn't last forever. And almost destroyed herself in the process..."

"Kate..."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me..."

"You and me both..." His voice was quiet, defeated. So unlike him, he was almost a stranger to himself. This wasn't how he had thought things would go. He thought she would leave, almost hoped she would. Then he wouldn't have to explain. He wouldn't have to say anything. They could have gone to work the next day pretending this never happened. He paused a moment, wondering just how much he was going to say, how much he was going to reveal. "There's a reason I can't...can't tell you what's wrong..."

"What?"

"Because I don't want you to think of me differently..." he looked away from her. "I don't want things to...it's not something I talk about, to anyone."

"You don't have to tell me anything..."

"Why are you even here?" He asked, looking back at her suddenly.

For a moment she couldn't say anything. He knew why she was there. He just didn't seem to believe it. "Because...I care about you."

"Why?"

She ran her hand over her face. "Because I do...we spend every day together, it's hard not to..."

"Kate..."

"We're getting distracted..."

"Are we?"

"I..."

"You came here."

"Because I was worried about you." She said. "You've been so different...so distant and I...I don't know why...I didn't know if it was something at work. Or if it was something else..."

"The Aaron Hardaker trial..."

Her eyes snapped to meet his. Her brain thinking back to that trial. It fit the mental timeline she had of the change in her partner.

"Jake..." she started, remembering the trial so clearly. It had been a gruelling trial. They'd lost in end. Somehow. It had been awful. A case between a son and a mother who should never have been a parent.

"That's where...it started..." he paused and she waited for him to go on. "Losing that case...I let that kid down..."

"You didn't..."

"I'd been in his position, Kate." He said, not being able to look at her as he said it. "He'd been let down once...I failed him just like every other adult in his life..."

She shook her head. "We were both in that courtroom."

"I was in charge. My lead, my failure..."

"Jake..."

"His mother destroyed him. The mental...abuse he suffered..."

"I know..."

"It doesn't leave you..."

"I can imagine..." She could see he was reluctant to say anything. She took his hands in her own, surprising him. "If you want to tell me...just tell me as though it all happened to someone else."

And so he did..


	3. Chapter 3

_'Your head is so numb, that nervous breath you try to hide'_

He told the story. _The story of the boy who suffered emotional torment from his mother. A woman who never got over the shame her divorce had brought upon her. A divorced Catholic. And so she blamed her son. Blamed him for the divorce and all that followed. Even though he was just a child. She blamed him. And with cruel words and the fear of God she destroyed him. Took away anything that might have been there. Denied him a happy childhood. Denied him any love a child should have. In the end, she sent him away to school. But whenever he went home, no matter how old he got, the torment would start again. Not that he ever retaliated. He knew there was no point. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't do any good. So he didn't say anything. As he got older they rarely spoke at all. But the damage had been done. The thoughts had already been planted. Behaviours already in place. He could act confident, as though nothing got to him. He could give the impression he enjoyed his life very much as a 'rolling stone', never standing still long enough to form relationships or let people in. When in truth, he was scared to let anyone be close to him. He didn't want to hurt anyone, and as indestructible as he seemed, he knew in reality, he was scared of being hurt himself._

 _When his mother got ill she asked for his help. Asked for him to visit. She was frail by that point. But he couldn't leave her. Even when he had every reason to hate her. She was his mother. He wouldn't treat her with the same cruelty she had shown to him throughout his life. He couldn't allow himself to be too close to her, but neither could he walk away. So he tried. Best he could. And he was left with the guilt that followed, the guilt of feeling as though he hadn't done enough. When she died, it didn't stop. He could just forget about things long enough to pretend it all never happened._

 _And then a case came along. One that was all too similar to his own. Only this one had gone further. Caused shattering damage. In this case...there was still a child. A child who reminded him so much of himself that every day in court destroyed him a little more. And then they lost the case. And he'd lost control. He'd failed that child and it had broken him._

Still sat on the floor opposite him, she held his gaze. She slowly moved closer to him, the sadness in his eyes drawing her in. He needed help. He needed someone. He reached out to her, bringing her closer still. She sat between his legs, facing him. He brought her to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her neck. She hugged him tightly. Protectively. This was a side to him she had never seen before and every second was breaking her heart. Hurting her. Shifting she wrapped her legs around his waist to be able to hold him properly as he clung to her. He held her as though he was scared she would disappear. She held him tighter, reassuring him and herself, she wasn't going anywhere. She was the first person he had ever said any of this to, she knew that. This was a lot for him. It was a lot for her too.

They had had a rocky start to their friendship to say the least. But they had moved past that. He trusted her. Liked her. _More than that_. Something about her intrigued him, drew him in. Stopping him from falling into meaningless flings. She was the only company he wanted. And in turn, it meant she was the one he was most scared about appearing vulnerable to. Because that wasn't the person she knew. She was far more than just his friend. He knew it. So did she. But he didn't know what she thought of him, felt for him. Because, dare he even think about it, she was the first person he had ever been in love with. But would she love him now? If at all? Now she had seen this side of him.

She lightly kissed the side of his face before he pulled back slightly. Enough to look at her. What was she thinking? What was going through her mind?

"You're going to be fine." She said softly, her voice barely a whisper. "We're both going to be fine."

In saying 'we're both' she'd brought herself into this. She'd made it clear, made a promise. She wasn't going anywhere. They were in _this_ together. For the first time in his life, he felt as though he had a real connection with someone. One he felt was already being tainted with the fear that she might leave at any moment.

"Kate..." He said, his voice nervous, trembling. Even as he tried to hide it.

"Let me help you..." She looked at him, bringing her hand to his face. Those sad brown eyes of his, breaking her heart. This wasn't how she had expected this night to go at all. "Because I can't leave you. Not now. Not like this...Not when I..."

"Maybe you should..." His words still sounded so lost, as though he was slipping away. "Maybe you should before you...before I bring you down with me?"

She stroked his face. "What if I've already fallen?"

He knew what that meant, but he didn't trust his own mind in believing it. He wanted to believe her words, but the doubt was still there, eating away. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Well, I'm already hurting, seeing you like this." Her voice broke. She was desperate. Reaching out to him, willing him to listen, to accept what she was offering him. And it was the tears glazing her eyes that confirmed for him that her feelings were genuine. Because they weren't tears of pity. They weren't tears of anger. They weren't tears of sadness in response to something he had done. That wasn't why she was crying. She was crying because she understood to some extent what he was going through, she could feel the pain he was feeling and it was hurting her all the same.


	4. Chapter 4

_'Where went that cheeky friend of mine? Where went that billion dollar smile?'_

 _Manchester, 2012_

"You okay, Scrap?" Richard Barker carefully pushed the door open to his daughter's bedroom, she was packing, she barely looked up as he walked in. "Nearly done?"

"Almost." She said, still not looking at him.

He watched her carefully, her slow and tired movements. She was still recovering, five months on. "Do you need any help?"

"No, thank you." Her voice was dry, emotionless. She was too tired, drained for anything else.

"Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry."

He sighed, leaning against the door frame, keeping his distance as she continued to pack. His little girl. His youngest daughter. He had three children. His eldest daughter was long gone and he regretted every decision he made with her. Then there were the twins. Alec and Katherine. Katie. His funny little girl who no matter what life threw at her she powered on, even when she was hurting.

Seeing her like this was killing him. Because he didn't know this woman. She was a stranger. She wasn't his Katie. Not at all. There was no fight in her, just acceptance. Accepting her situation, accepting whatever was going to happen next. That wasn't the Kate he knew. The woman he knew fought for whatever she wanted, she always had. When everyone told her she couldn't go to university she only became more determined to prove them wrong. When everyone told her she wouldn't make something of herself, she proved them wrong. But now? It was like a light had gone out.

He knew that he and Kate's mum hadn't been the best parents. In one way or another they just always seemed to get it wrong. They got it wrong with her sister and things seemed to spiral out of control. Somewhere between keeping a roof over their heads and just surviving the day to day, Richard and his wife had fallen apart themselves. And suddenly it was their children looking after them.

But now here she was, his daughter, his little girl, all grown up. And for the first time in her life, she really needed her parents. She needed them to look after her because she couldn't be trusted to look after herself. She'd grown up, got a career, her own place, her own life. Then it had all come crashing down and she'd ended up living with her parents again. There had been some role reversal somewhere along the line and for the first time, she openly admitted she needed their help.

He remembered quite clearly sitting with her in the hospital, as the realisation of everything had set in. She'd looked at him, openly crying in front of him for the first time since she was a teenager. She'd looked at him the way a child should look at a parent, with the hope that their parent can make everything better. Only Richard didn't know how to make things okay again. He wished he did. But he had no idea.

Five months down the line and still, there was part of his daughter missing. Her spark, that cheeky sense of humour she'd always had, her smile, her ability to always say what she thought, her skill of being able to get away with anything. She'd lost her confidence.

"It's going to be okay, princess." He said and she stopped what she was doing to look at him. "It's all going to be okay."

"You can't promise me that..."

"I don't need to." He stepped cautiously further into the room. "Everything is going to be fine. And all this..." He gestured to her suitcase on the bed. "That's going to be fine, you're going to do great in this job."

She sighed sitting down on the bed. "I'm lucky to still have a job."

"None of this was your fault."

"I lost a trial, was kidnapped and almost killed by my client and then proceeded to find out that whilst that was happening my boyfriend was cheating on me all on the same day. You're saying none of that was my fault?"

"The jury made a decision, you did your job, you couldn't have done any more. Your client was suffering from extreme mental health issues and the security at the court should have prevented him from doing what he did. And as for what happened with Eddie, don't you dare blame yourself for that."

"But..."

"But nothing." He sat beside her. "Scrap, you did nothing wrong. You were always there for Eddie. You were the one bailing him out of every situation he got himself in. You were trying to keep him sober. And did he ever have any respect for you? Your choices? Your career?"

"I focused too much on my career."

"Because you worked hard to get to this point." He put his hand on her arm. "Edward didn't deserve you. He isn't worth stressing over..."

"Dad..."

"Yeah you were together for a few years but as you were moving forward what was he doing? Drinking. Getting in trouble. Making you feel bad about yourself. He's not worth it, Katie. You deserve better than that."

"Doesn't really make me feel any better." She ran her hand over her face. "Because...all of this just shows...I wasn't enough. That no matter what I did or didn't do, it wasn't enough. And no matter who it is, that's not a nice feeling to have...because how do you ever start to think differently about yourself after that? Whether you loved them or not."

He took her hand. "This is all just a bump in the road, Scrap. I should know, I've had enough of them, And caused quite a few..."

She met his gaze. "I'm sorry."

"You've nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. It's me who should be sorry. I know I wasn't always there for you when you were growing up. I was always working or in prison or keeping the boxing club going but..." He put his hand to her face. "You still are, and always will be, my little girl. And you've not been yourself for a while. At least not the Katie I know."

"I know."

"And me and your mam, we're here now and we're not going anywhere."

She blinked. "Am I doing the right thing? Leaving?"

"You've got the chance at a fresh start, Scrap." He laughed slightly. "I know you've got to sort all this stuff with your defensive contract out in London but after all that is done, you can start again. New job, new people. Leave all this in the past, eh?"

"I..."

"And you and Alec will be back together again when you move to London. Twins. You can drive people mad down south, they can have a taste of what I've put up with all these years."

"We weren't that bad."

"Weren't that bad? The gob on the pair of you was enough to drive anyone up the wall."

Kate laughed, for the first time in a long time, she'd almost forgotten what it was like. "One of my earliest memories is sitting at the boxing club with you and Alec...Alec telling me girls can't fight and me pushing him over."

Richard chuckled fondly at the memory. One of the only things he had was a boxing gym that had belonged to his grandfather. A family tradition. He'd been a boxing instructor and so had Richard. Maybe it hadn't been the best place to take his children but they hadn't minded. They became quite attached to the place. Even when they had nothing, Kate wouldn't let him sell it, she said it was too important. It was the most stable income they had. She said that no matter how bad things got they'd never fall so low as to get rid of it. He knew, more than anything, she protected it because the place meant a lot to her brother and she would do anything for him. "I remember. And I know how much you miss him and the kids."

"Yeah..."

"Rosanna most of all."

Kate bit her lip. "She...the other two are still so little. And they have a mum. Rosie doesn't. She's nearly a teenager and...I'm the only mother figure she's ever really had prior to Victoria."

"I know." He nodded. "You did good with her, Scrap. Vicky getting that job in London really affected everyone."

"But we could hardly tell her not to take it, could we? She's Alec's wife. Rosie might have wanted to stay with me...but...how could I separate her from Alec? It would have crushed him. And he's trying to get her to bond more with Vicky."

"Good luck to him with that. The girl is a true Barker. She isn't quick to trust and is too loyal to step aside easy."

"Vicky is her stepmother and she adores her."

"And Rosie idolises you. As does Alec."

"And there have been times when I've admired him. Not many I'll admit."

Richard laughed. Kate had always been the sensible one in the family, the only one with their head on somewhat straight. Kate's mum had suffered from depression. He had been in and out of prison. Her sister had been a drug addict. Her brother had just been a troublemaker. He made rash decisions and never thought through the consequences. He had gone through a wild phase. One which had resulted in him being a father at nineteen. Then a single father just over five months later when the mother of his baby, Kate's closest friend, died in a car accident. Kate had always been the one trying to keep everything together. She made sure her mother was okay. She did everything to keep her dad on the straight path. She made Alec calm down and do something with his life before it was too late. She'd even gone so far as to take on a 'mothering' role in her niece's life. She'd spent so long looking after other people Richard wondered if all the stress was catching up with her and the events that took place five months ago had just been the things that broke her.

"It's all going to be okay, scrap." He said getting to his feet. "All of this...it will pass, what you're feeling now it will pass... and you're going to be just fine."

She tilted her head. "When did you start being the one giving out the advice and me listening rather than the other way round."

He didn't answer, simply smiled sadly. He knew when and so did she, but neither was going to say it.

"If you're not down for food in half an hour I'm sending your mother up, and I'm warning you it won't be a pretty sight."

"I'll come down, I promise." Kate watched as her dad turned and left the room.

Alone, she let herself fall back on the bed, exhausted. Staring up at the ceiling she wondered how many times she'd been in this position. Laid there, staring, wondering. The last few months of her life had been hell, and yet still hadn't been her darkest moments. But they'd been a catalyst. They'd been her breaking point. Now she was putting herself back together. That meant leaving. Because this city held too many memories, too many ghosts. She just wanted to start again. Somewhere else. She'd been offered a job, by the director of the CPS in London, he asked if she felt like doing something different after her ordeal and she wasn't in a position to say no. No one around here would touch her, not after the way her last trial had ended. So she was to complete her current contract in London, it would take a few months and she'd probably be assigned another trial in the meantime. But then it would all be over.

That's what she had to keep telling herself. That it would all be over soon. Because it was the only thing keeping her going. She'd suffered some kind of breakdown following the trial and everything that followed, not that she could be blamed for that. But she knew she wasn't herself. She felt numb, as though she was drowning and she didn't know how to cope with it all. Now, she just wanted to be herself again. Whatever that meant.


	5. Chapter 5

_'I want to hold you like you're mine...'_

Kate paced the floor of Jake's house nervously. Her hands trembling as a thousand and one thoughts went through her mind. He'd stormed out of the office nearly six hours ago and she'd not heard from him since. The panic was starting to set in. She'd gone to his place hoping he might have just gone home. But he hadn't. He'd not been back at all.

It had been just over a month since that night she turned up at his house and things had definitely changed between them. They were still adjusting to this new relationship they found themselves in. But things were okay. Things were going well. They were happy together. He was opening up to her, slowly but surely. She wasn't naive enough to think that everything was going to be fine just like that. She knew he needed more help than what she could give him, so did he. But she wouldn't push him into anything he wasn't ready for. She couldn't. They had to be careful. He had to say he wanted the help.

She thought back to when they were in the office. They'd been discussing the upcoming trial. She was taking it and things were going okay. Then Henry had entered the room and revealed to them that some journalist had written an article about the Aaron Hardaker case. They were criticising everyone involved but Jake's name had been mentioned more than anyone else. They'd very much ripped him apart.

Of course, he'd been angry, upset too. She'd tried to talk to him, calm him, but he'd snapped at her and she'd stepped back. The horror in his eyes as he had realised he'd been so short with her. That he'd shouted at her. And then that was it. He stormed out. Still angry and upset and now even more frustrated with himself that he might have upset her.

She'd called him. Text him. She didn't want to smother him with calls of concern but she was worried. Really worried. She'd been in this position before and she was terrified history would repeat itself. It was a long time ago but the horror of the evening in question was still very much etched into her memory.

Her brother's girlfriend, her best friend, the mother of her niece, Sorcha had stormed off one night. It was the best part of thirteen years ago but Kate remembered it as though it was yesterday. Her and her brother nervously pacing the floor for hours, passing his six-month-old daughter between them as they waited for Sorcha to come back. Only Sorcha didn't come back. All they got was a police officer on their doorstep telling them there had been a car accident and that there had been no survivors.

As worried as she was about Jake she suddenly felt angry. He knew what had happened to her niece's mother. She'd told him. And still, he was putting her through this hell of not knowing what was going on. She knew he was upset and she wanted to help him but she also couldn't help how she felt.

She was trying to stay calm but nothing about her current state of mind was calm. She put her head in her hands, sitting down on the sofa. The paranoia was really starting to set in. Where was he?

Suddenly she heard a car pull into the drive and she got to her feet. From her position in the living room, she could see it was him. Part of her was relieved but another part of her was too distressed to even process what was going on.

She waited, nervously, as he got out of his car. He opened the door quietly, knowing she was there having seen her car, also in the driveway.

Jake hesitated by the living room door, knowing Kate was probably on the other side, worrying what kind of welcome he was going to get. If it was him, he'd be furious. Vanishing for hours. He'd been horrible to her in the office and then had stormed off. He'd not responded to any of her messages or calls. If it had been the other way around and it had been her, he would have been going out of his mind. He would be fuming that she hadn't got in touch, fuming that she had worried him.

He pushed the door open and slowly stepped into the room. She was stood in the centre of the room, looking at him, obviously waiting for him. Her face was tired and tear stained. He waited for the shouting, for her to say everything he wanted her to say, for her to tell him how wrong he had been and that she wasn't sticking around to be treated like that. Only it didn't come. She didn't say anything. Simply stood there in silence, waiting. She was going to let him explain himself. The idea of that was almost more terrifying. The look on her face, a mix of sadness and concern and anger. He didn't know what to make of it.

"Kate..."

"Where the hell have you been?" Her tone was almost angry, but she didn't raise her voice at him. Her words seemed to get stuck in her throat, as though the tears that were threatening to fall stopped her from getting too angry.

"I er..." He started nervously, knowing he had no real excuse for vanishing for as long as he had. "I was just...driving round."

"For nearly six hours?"

"I..."

"You didn't answer your phone."

"I know."

"Do you have any idea what's been going through my mind?" Her voice seemed to tremble as she spoke and he realised then just how much he had upset her, scared her. "I thought..." She stopped herself, she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. "Do you have any idea how worried you made me."

"I'm sorry." He looked down. He sounded so sad, so guilty. Like a child in trouble. Looking at him, she could feel her anger starting to slip. "I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to worry you."

She turned away from him, so much was going through her head. She was relieved he was okay. She wanted to be angry with him but she couldn't bring herself to be. Frustration was all she could muster. She put her head in her hands, trying to stop herself from crying. "I thought something had happened to you."

He froze. Not knowing what to do or say.

"When Sorcha died..." The words died on her tongue. "I just wanted to know you were safe..."

He put his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off. She'd never done that before. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I was angry about...about that article. I never meant to worry you. I never meant to snap at you. I was out of my mind...and I went about things all wrong."

She still couldn't look at him, she didn't know what to say.

"Are you angry?" He asked and she could hear the fear in his voice.

"No...Yes. Oh, I don't know." She turned to face him, looking up at him. "I was so scared..."

"Kate..."

"I know I can't fix everything. And I've never said that I could. But I can't do anything if you won't talk to me. And this...it wasn't fair, Jake..."

"Please don't leave me."

She took his hand, reassuring him. "I'm not leaving. But this can't happen again...it can't because it's not fair. And it's hurting us both."

"It won't, I promise. I'll get help. I'll see whoever, do whatever, take whatever I have to. I promise."

"Jake..."

"You're the best thing about me and I'm not putting you through this again. It was cruel of me and I hate myself for it."

She clung to his hand as a tear fell down her face. "You were upset."

"I was wrong."

"You're still adjusting."

"And you were just trying to help and I all but threw it back in your face."

"It's fine..."

"It's not. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him back, burying her head in his chest. "I know I'm not an easy person to be around sometimes. And I know...I know I make some bad decisions about the way I handle things. But I never ever meant to hurt you..."

"I was just scared..."

"I...I love you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was scare you."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I mean it. I love you." He rested his forehead against hers. "And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life."

"You've got to want to get better for you too."

"I do." He said and she knew he was being honest. "I really do."

"Then I'll do whatever I can to help you, support you."

"You've done enough." He kissed her, carefully stroking her cheek. "I should be doing something for you."

"Love me." She lent into his palm. "That's all I ask."

"I love you so much, I have done for a long time."

"I love you too." She smiled slightly before kissing him. "I'm not going anywhere."

"It's going to be fine. I promise."


End file.
